The Occupational Hazards of Helping Others

Dear Whomever Wants to Read This:I was inspired recently to write about The Occupational Hazards of Helping Others.Why is it that when relationships in this business don’t work out, people want to sling you through the mud and destroy your name and reputation? I can think of a few answers to that but choose not to, play psychoanalyst at this time. Listen, it’s no surprise that with as many people as I have met, and I’ve met a lot, that not all are going to like me, get me or are meant to share in my journey. I’ve said it before and I’ve said it again: I am not here to win a popularity contest or make friends but if we become friends, great. And lord knows, this is too much work for it to be a game for me. I really love what I do because in the process of doing it, there’s this side effect of empowering others. That’s the part I love. Because when you empower others, their joy somehow ignites more inspiration in the empowerer and others--it’s contagious and in a beautiful way changes everything around you for the better. I know that my purpose is to write, direct and produce stories, ideas that empower Latinos. So why am I writing this?Yesterday, as I was reading the status updates, I stumbled on one very angry person’s blog who has accused me of stealing an idea from her. Specifically, the EPISTLES idea. Normally I would not give this negativity a second thought but I’m going to be honest here, even through the thick skin, I feel I’ve developed over time, this one really penetrated me in a way that I feel a need to write about it.I met this person a few years ago, an inspiring writer who actually came to seek me. She was a fan, she came to a show of mine and said she wanted to talk to me because she had an idea about starting a workshop. Here’s my problem. And I’m going to be honest, it was and sometimes still is (in certain situations) my biggest problem: I always want to help without giving thought about what I have to sacrifice in terms of time and energy. I don’t know if being a Virgo has anything to do with this, because Virgos are natural teachers, but I’m going to say that I’m learning to let go of the need to help or work with everyone because of situations like this. So she wanted guidance and I was there to give her what she needed – validation. For me, it was another way of networking with a great Latina artist. However, I know most of the time, aspiring artists need validation and opportunities more than anything and they usually look for them in someone who is paving the way. A few weeks later she invites me to a birthday party. I didn’t attend because I felt I didn’t know her that well but I sent her lovely daughter a monetary birthday gift anyway. (BTW, I get invited to a lot of places and am asked to donate a lot of money to causes and quite honestly, I have to take myself off the list now because it’s gotten really bad.)Anyway, she told me that this relationship with me is similar to the one in THE ALCHEMIST. Teacher and student. I was in ways showing her the ropes, just because that’s what I do and enjoy doing. I was trying to find a way to fit her restless energy into Latino Flavored Productions Inc. She’s an angry writer with a lot of passion and I thought that would translate well on camera or as a radio show. It didn’t work though. My idea was to have a show that focused on inspiring motivational tips on writing. Her intention was to use four letter words in a show that was meant to empower writers. Hey, no one loves the word motherfucker more than me, but fuck and motherfucker and any variation of the word, did not have a place in this show. Her blog says I was controlling her words. No, I was structuring a show. I didn’t want a fuckfest of words in this format. Because as you read the words now, doesn’t it just change the feeling of the writing? It becomes negative. So this idea did not work out. At all. One day I get an email that she no longer is interested in doing the show. Okay, fine. I knew it was going there. So why the need to say I bounced?Beware that when “some” aspiring artists are beginning to fly and they are critiqued, they will retreat and damn you for not giving them the much-needed validation they need to face the fear.Long story short, not everyone is meant to be on my journey. And I have to tell you, when they find that out, they get really mean. They want you to fail miserably. How delusional of her to write in her blog that when she felt she surpassed my success that that made her powerful. That in a nutshell told me everything. I’m not going to apologize for not finding room in my agenda for those I don’t have anything in common with or share the same goals and intent with. No, I won’t do that. Everyone should be mature enough to accept that we are not all supposed to travel on the same road.It’s okay for you not to get along with everyone or realize that there is a dead end in certain relationships. I have found that when two people in the community are not getting along people say, “Oh come on, you are Latino you have to support one another.” It’s not an obligation to stay in a relationship that doesn’t grow or work. Some people are meant to be together and some are not, it’s that simple. For reasons we cannot control.Going back to the reason I started writing this: there are people that use your success as the barometer for their success. I use no one in that way because success comes in varying forms. I don’t want to be like anyone else because that limits me from my own success. She wrote she’s surpassed my success, I’m quite sure she hasn’t grossed over a million dollars considering her need to own a letter idea. What success is she talking about? The one in her head? And as far as Epistle ideas go, they have been around forever. No one owns the right to letter writing. So when Jenny Saldana and I were looking for a new show, I tapped into what I had been learning in a recent English Literature class this past spring, since we did not want to host a poetry or spoken word event. We love poetry, but we didn’t want to produce that type of event this year.So, why do I feel the need to write this, because as I learned in Epistles, it’s a great way to purge bullshit in your life. The world is full of beautiful people and as she wrote BAD PEOPLE.It’s funny how she didn’t use my name but used the same references she had so often spoken to me about. This will be her response to this blog: If she didn’t steal the idea then how does she know I’m talking about her? Here is my response: “It’s obvious fool.”Here’s the other thing I learned: There is always going to be a group of folks that don’t like you regardless of how much you explain yourself. You can jump hoops for these people. And they will continue hating you for the sake of hating you.I have since removed this person off my Facebook Friends and Myspace Friends. I don’t care to know what she does or doesn’t do. But since she’s all in my business, I figured I’d write A LETTER TO A FRUSTRATED ARTIST who feels the need to bring a sistah down based on assumptions and false accusations.And for those who want to work for me or with me, don’t get angry or hurt when I ask for a contract. Friendships and business do not mix at all. Sometimes you get lucky and find really good souls. But just the nature of business can change that in an instant. And I find it’s harder for women than men just because men tell it like it is. Women don’t always say what they mean. So please be clear, frank and honest! And if a friendship develops, then that’s icing on the cake.Sincerely,An artist, entrepreneur, motivator and potential friend