The Curious New Life of Linda Nieves-Powell

I'm not going to make any New Year's resolutions. I've learned that they are always too hard to live up to or more often than not the novelty wears off; in the same way that one plans a night of sex with the spouse only to find out in the end, the visual foreplay was a bit more exciting than the actual act.Although, I sweared off listing my goals, I would like to continue to challenge myself intellectually, physically and spirtually. 2008 was a big year for personal growth. I asked the everloving universe to afford me a chance to expand my wings and to my surprise it had. But like Ying and Yang, I was given these gifts along with the heartbreaking reality that when one desires more from life, something else is ripped away. I see a change in me and it is affecting everything and everyone around me. How does someone live a full life but remain unchanged for the benefit of their loved ones? I don't know the answer to that and I do find it strange that someone or something is possibly trying to help me find the answer.I have been thinking about death and relationships a lot lately. A whole lot. In fact, I wrote a new play called THE END which is about ADAM and EVE and the rest of us married and not so married folk. I'm trying desperately to figure out how we can live happily ever after and remain true to ourselves.What I find ironic is that the minute I start to think of an idea for a new piece, voila, there it is in front of me. There are two movies out in the theaters that are EXACTLY about what I am writing. One is called THE CURIOUS CASE OF BENJAMIN BUTTONS--a story I wished I had written. It was mainly about death and dying but it is also very much about life. If it weren't for the creepy visual effects, the movie would have been perfect. It is based on the F. Scott Fitzgerald short story by the same name. However, the film, I assume, gets free license to go beyond what Mr. Fitzgerald had intended to say. There are Forrest Gump style isms written all over this movie. Some I truly loved and that very often made me cry. I love a line that seems as if it came from God. It touches the depths of your soul in the same way that when a perfect note is song, it can bring you to tears.So while I sat in the theater on New Year's Eve to see Brad Pitt live a backwards life, a trailer for a new movie speaks to me. It is called REVOLUTIONARY ROAD and stars my favorite actors: Leonardo DiCaprio and Kate Winslet. The log line says it all: HOW DO YOU BREAK FREE WITHOUT BREAKING APART? It it so amazing to me how whenever I am going through something in my own life, a book, a movie, a play enters my life and speaks to me. I'm actually afraid to see what the answer is.2008 was the year I questioned whether I had it in me to write something extraordinary. Something unique. Something that would change my life. Something that would make me feel as though I just walked out of a pitch meeting with the Almighty One. I'm still working on it I guess. See, I'm hoping that the jaded me stays behind in 2008. I learned way too many negative things about the publishing business. It's a joke actually what one must do to sell a book. What does seem to work is when you're a bit controverisal or a bit of a gossip girl. I have a problem with that since insecurity and hatred are part of the controversial personality. How can one be insecure and save the world at the same time? Don't think it can happen. And what I've learned more than anything else is that you should never write a book only for Latinas. How stupid of me to think that I would make a huge difference in this world by inspiring my woman to become greater than they ever imagined? How naive was I to think that writing a book to save the Latina soul would actually become a bestseller? WTF was I thinking? It's sad. It truly is sad that what I want to say to women isn't going to sell. Maybe the samaritan in me really needs to lay low if she wants to sell books. I never thought I'd have a love hate relationship with writing. I have to change the way I've been thinking. Again, I must say goodbye to a big part of who I am if I want to make a bigger impact--so it seems.I don't know if what I'm feeling is temporary or if the search will go on until my dying days. There was a line in the Benjamin Button movie that I loved. I'm paraphasing but it was something along the lines that no one knows who they should be. You can start over at any time. It doesn't matter, it's never too late to be someone else. And maybe my problem is again not having a clear identity of myself. The Latina thing doesn't work for me any longer because I found her and I'm extremely proud of her. I'm bigger than just a commonwealth of the U.S. I'm bigger than just being American. But I honestly don't know who that person is.I pray that the answer comes in 2009, during the early morning when I'm alone sitting in front of my computer waiting for God to speak through me. When all is silent and still...I hope I can be quiet enough to hear the answer.